On the Edge

I’ve been standing on this edge for a very long time and now I’m finally taking the plunge. I’ve been talking about starting a blog for an unbelievable amount of time. The beginning is at the beginning and it’s not always at the end of something but often it is. Sometimes it can be a side trip that looks like a beginning or maybe we spiral around to retrace our steps. I understand the phoenix rising out of the flame because I am the phoenix and I’ve risen multiple times.

What I want to say is that I’m on a journey and it started with my birth actually before my birth as Ann but in my choosing my parents I know this sounds crazy but I believe that there is a purpose to our existence and every relationship that what we have feeds our life and our evolution. We relate to all the people we encounter from the driver in the car next to you on the freeway to your parents, siblings, partners and children to the teachers in school, flight attendants, waiters and fellow bus riders and the list goes on. We are the product of our life, our thoughts, our choices and our reactions.

Jack Canfield has an explanation for who we are in a simple equation of E + R = O. Our life Experiences/Events plus our Reactions/Responses equals the Outcome so it really doesn’t matter what happens to you but how you deal with it that defines you.

We need the darkness to find the light. The winter is as important as the summer. We just have to know how to be in the different places because if we wear shorts in the winter or sweaters in the summer we may not feel quite aligned but if we sink into the appropriate depths then we will have a healthy balance in our body and spirit.

This journey began long ago and I’ve been waiting for it to continue almost as if it’s been on pause. Yes I’ve experienced much during this “pause”, great learning through loss, grief and challenges as well as all of the perfect moments of synchronicity that brought me my partner and our daughter as well as the choices that brought us into our manifested home and evolved life. I’ve experienced the incredible coming together of community and that energetic support like the web of a woven hammock.

The ups and downs in my life have been significant with my parents divorce when I was eleven and my father’s multiple suicide attempts leading eventually to the tragic loss of my mother followed by the incarceration and subsequent death of my father. At 39 finding a soulmate to travel with and then inviting in the amazing being that evolved into the powerful birth of our beautiful daughter, then moving into the illness and passing of my spouse to the manifesting of our new home and life for us. I’ve created a successful business and career that continues to evolve, and all along just waiting for that moment when I was going to do and be that person that I just had this feeling about. I always saw myself, way down the road, as someone powerful and what I’ve struggled against for so long is deeply echoed in the quote by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Now is the beginning and I offer up to you a ticket, a seat on my roller coaster. I have struggled so much in this life and my book, my memoir which recounts my childhood and my parents’ childhood and their deaths, my partner’s life and her death and my own shedding. Many times have I shed my skin and peeled away layers on my road to spiritual enlightenment and the role as teacher guide which I now know without a doubt is my path. My journey and my healing is an open book for you to take, to use, to criticize if you will, to judge if you must but know that we all have a journey and if I am able to support you through and on yours then that is my desire, my joy and my goal.

I sit at my desk writing this first blog piece, amidst journals of goals, thoughts, business objectives and to do lists all the pieces and support of intention and  of manifesting my life and being an active participant in creating this whole way of being that is in line with my god purpose and my spiritual path.

It is difficult to follow through but I encourage you to always do your best and I will too. It’s now June of 2015 and I decreed this to be my year to start my blog, organize my book, begin my life coaching career and become an entrepreneur. My wish for you is that you will find your why in life and take all of the small baby steps along that path. Let’s do it together. I’m starting now and I look forward to the next entry and that we will journey along and evolve together…